Am I blogging...or am I pitching my existence?
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| High Concept Am I blogging...or am I pitching my existence? |
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Saturday, May 22, 2004 The Pitch: It's like The Shining meets The Incredible Mr. Limpet! In one hour, I will be free from work for approx. two weeks (I've got to work on the CE website, but I'm not even worrying about that until after Memorial Day) and I cannot fuckin' wait. Work has been relatively mellow today, but that's not gonna stop me from whining and bitching about like I've been having bamboo shoots stuffed under my fingernails. (I've always wondered if that was 'bamboo shoots' or 'bamboo chutes' but I don't really care enough at the moment to Google it.)It may be the anniversary. Last Saturday was my nine year anniversary at this place. That's longer than my time in college and high school put together. And it's as long, now that I think about it, as my time at Jacoby Creek Elementary where I did K-8 in one straight shot. I'd like to say I was anxious to leave JCE, tugging at the leash of childhood, but honestly, as bad as eighth grade was (and it, along with seventh grade, was pretty bad), high school seemed infinitely worse: all the dickheads who'd disappeared, a class at a time, would all be there, waiting, to say nothing of all the dickheads at all the other schools--tributaries of cruelty emptying into a single swelling basin. And the first two years of high school were all that and more, I'm happy to report. But anyway, I think I've digressed from my main point. Or perhaps I haven't. Work here has been like an endless Senior year of high school for several years now (since at least late 2001): it's kind of easy, I totally know my way around, most of my relationships have steadied, and nobody tends to give me any shit because I'm either liked or practically invisible because I've been around so long and people have problems of their own. And just like Senior year, when you get restless, you get really restless. I have this new digital camera, and my co-worker just went on break for almost two hours. And I was struck with this almost physically crippling desire to go around this floor and take high definition digital photos of the interior every unlocked desk drawer I could find. I don't doubt if I was caught, I'd be canned for taking those photos. It didn't matter that I was just doing it as some sort of lark, or a possible art project about individuality in homogenized surroundings, or writerly research, or whatever explanation I gave. And there are files a million times more interesting or disturbing or potentially troublesome right in front of me, b ut that's million times less likely to get me fired than the drawer/photo thing. And that may be why it's tempting--all that other stuff about art or research is all crap. Just like the senior peeling out in the parking lot in the name of rebellion is bullshitting everybody. He just wants to go--he wants to be someplace new. But he's too afraid of the actual future to just leave, so he tries to be stupid enough to shake things up, have his ass (and his future) handed to him that much sooner. I really do hope my two weeks away dilutes that stupidity. Unlike high school, I'm here because I want to be. But, at least at this point, I feel like even hours freely spent in a cage are still hours spent in a cage. posted by Jeff Lester | 10:38 AM | |
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