Am I blogging...or am I pitching my existence?
|
|
| High Concept Am I blogging...or am I pitching my existence? |
|
|
Tuesday, April 19, 2005 The Pitch: It's like Closed for Repairs meets Opening Soon! In part, it's been such a long time since I've posted because David died, and in part because I didn't want to write about David dying. David was Edi's cousin's partner, but really he was David, Edi's cousin, and thanks to the miracle of these things, he was David, my cousin, as well. Watching him slowly die these last months was very hard, and watching him quickly die--bit by bit, on a hospital bed by the kitchen where he had cooked so many amazingly good meals--was even harder. It's a relief not to watch him die anymore, but I love him and miss him and alternate between thinking it's all okay and it all isn't.The closest I think I've come to being dead was my one time on shrooms: I was walking around outside, feeling separate from the world. I finally knew what it would be like when I was dead, because I could see the world moving on, all around me, without me: enough of my ego was gone that I could see everything without filtering it through the world of "I," and yet I had enough of an ego left to respond to that feeling. I felt both terribly relieved and terribly sad, and I'm reminded of that feeling a little bit now with David's death. I would like to think the dead become God, in that they know everything and they forgive everything. I would like to think that, so that David--and all of the people that I've loved who have died--would know everything I wanted to say to them, and could forgive me for never saying it. posted by Jeff Lester | 5:49 PM | |
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
