Am I blogging...or am I pitching my existence?
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| High Concept Am I blogging...or am I pitching my existence? |
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Wednesday, June 01, 2005 The Pitch: It's like Assault on Precinct 13 meets Assault on Precinct 13! So some guy on the Internet who likes movies said he liked the remake of Assault on Precinct 13. So I rented it yesterday while trying to feed our addiction to The Wire, and so I have to say to that guy on the Internet: Dude, you are so very, very wrong. The remake of Assault on Precinct 13 was horrible.Edi watched it with me and afterward kept saying: "Assault on Precinct 13 sucked. Assault on Precinct 13 sucked." She did that kind of lowing thing at the end of it: "Suuuuucked." Finally, I had to stop her: "Look, no offense, but you have no idea. It sucked, but it sucked a million times worse because the original movie is a low-budget classic. So please say, 'The remake of Assault on Precinct 13 sucked,' because otherwise it sounds like you're talking about the original." So of course when we went to Four Star Video today, it being One Dollar Wednesday, I looked for the original. "You got Assault on Precinct 13?" I asked the clerks. "The original? I wish," one said. "We got the crappy remake," the other said. "New releases." "Oh!" Edi said. "Didn't that suck? It sucked. It suuuuuucked." "I haven't seen it," the clerk said. "I just assumed." "You have no idea," Edi said. "It's good for the first two minutes and then it's all downhill from there." Interestingly, this is where I noticed both of the video clerks had fallen in love with Edi. "Really?" One said, laughing. "Good credit sequence, huh?" The other said. "I love a good credit sequence." He was also laughing. This is when I realized the horrible power I possess, the terrible responsibility: by having my smart funny girlfriend watch movies I liked with me, by lending her graphic novels I thought she would appreciate, and informing her of the latest developments in geek culture, I was developing an unstoppable killing machine--a woman who could entrance geeks in four seconds and then crush them in the fifth as they realized she was already with the fat, balding guy squinting at the Dario Argento section. It was an empowering moment, mitigated somewhat by the fact they weren't listening to anything I was saying, but looking at her and laughing at everything she said. We just watched the original Assault, by the way (they had it at the Hollywood Video around the corner but not at the "movie lover's video store"--how sad is that?) Edi liked it, and now really knows the extent of the tragedy. And when we return our movies, those poor clerks won't stand a chance. posted by Jeff Lester | 8:44 PM | |
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